06shooter
02-28-2009, 10:10 AM
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and
his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning
when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he
knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the
question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open,
and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage
door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my
garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and
said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.'
An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went
back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman
replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already
dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he
didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules,
he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if
his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the
bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one
says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,'
answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty.'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc:
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more. !
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied,
'Arthritis.'
Like those? Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh.
his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning
when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he
knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the
question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open,
and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage
door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my
garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and
said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.'
An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went
back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman
replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already
dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he
didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules,
he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if
his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the
bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one
says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,'
answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty.'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc:
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more. !
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied,
'Arthritis.'
Like those? Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh.