Minnesota Rules

[Happy Dan]

THE RULES OF RURAL MINNESOTA ARE AS FOLLOWS:



1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell
funny to you. But they smell like money to Minnesota farmers.. Get over it.
Don't like it? I-94 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick
one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. Grain farmers have
$350,000 combines that they drive only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in rural Minnesota waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are
coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have
it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat taters, gravy, beans and bread. You really want
sushi and caviar? It's available at Jim's bait shop..

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held on the 15th of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless
of age.


11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three seasonings - salt, pepper, and ketchup.
Oh, yeah..... We don't care what you folks in Calif call that stuff you eat
.... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and
served over ice.

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be homegrown,
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and she better have long hair..

15. College and high school football/baseball are as important here
as the Vicking and the Twins.... and more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all.. We have State Universities ,
Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. Folks come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and
they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays..


18.Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers. Refer back to #1.

19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive in
it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach
from the grocery stores. This ain't Calif . Worst case you may have to live
a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snowplows will have you out
the next day.

20. By the way.... if you want to talk to God in Minnesota, it's a
local call.